Reflecting on our first week together...

I am amazed to see Esther's lack of hair and how big my hands are compared to her body size in this picture. She was wearing about 6 month clothes then. She has a full head of hair now and is in size 18 months clothes...so many changes for her. In the time of this photo, Esther had been with us for about 7 days, which was when we started to see her first smiles and less fear of us.


So many new things for these newly adopted babies in their first week. This photo is of us in line for the exit physical where she was measured, touched, prodded, and passed around by people in white coats. I think I have alot different perspective looking back on all of it now through Esther's eyes. At the time, I was just so excited to be jumping through the hoops and being one step closer to coming home. I now recognize that fear/shut down look in her eyes for what it is. While in China we just kept getting comments on what a calm baby she was. I now know how much she internalizes things and they come out later.

Big eyes and wondering looks...the start of her big plane ride home. This was the 4-5 hour leg from Guangzhou to Japan where we were blessed with an extra seat next to us. At this point, we had been together about 10 days. So many changes for her in those 10 days. I can remember thinking it would be so nice to get home and into a routine. HA! Eleven months later we are much closer to one...but there are still things that catch us off guard and throw her into a tizzy. Like the other week, we were moving furniture around and Daddy had to stop at one point and just hold her for about 20 minutes because she was feeling so insecure. One thinks going into adoption, when a child is so young, that it won't take much time at all to adjust to a new life. I'm sure every child is different...but I believe the wounds of abandonment run deep and fears of sudden changes take much more time to heal than I ever realized. That is what I pray over her each night...that fear would be gone and for God's peace to fill her and for her to know that she knows we will be with her always.